With a slightly guilty conscious, I’m here, writing and reflecting, about my experience doing a second YTT (yoga teacher training).

Guilty because my kitchen needs to be cleaned, guilty because the clean unfolded laundry pile seems to be getting bigger before my eyes.

But, as this round of YTT wraps up, I need to sort out the feelings, the takeaways, the a-ha moments, not only for myself, but to put in words why one would do the SAME training twice, within months of completing the first. (“Did you fail?” and “Are you crazy?” came up quite a bit and the answer is no. Well, that second is up for discussion, I guess.)

One huge takeaway is that the more I spend time learning and growing, into a better teacher and better human, the less I’m concerned with taking time to clean or fold laundry!  Only half kidding, while I know that those things need to be done, my time spent teaching, practicing, writing and my time with my family are more important than the dishes in the sink. So much more than just time management, its like a lesson in living life fully without stressing or worrying about chores and choosing to fill your cup with your passions and loves instead.  (And if you are reading this while your wet laundry hangs in the washer, namaste, friend. Do some sun salutations after and if there’s time, you can always get to the laundry later.)

Get upside down. #inversionsmakeyouhot #yogaeverydamnday

A photo posted by Leigh (@theleighryan) on

Another more significant observation is that this second time through, I realized that I’m not comfortable in the “gray area” – not a faculty teacher but to the other YTT students, being a “been here, done this” presence.  Not a leader on paper, but wanting to help lead, not just implicitly.  And as any yoga teacher knows, still always, ALWAYS, a student.  This gray area is a slightly stressful place to be so obviously, it can also be a place of growth, if you allow it.  The internal struggle of being a teacher on the schedule, having high aspirations for my growth and really feeling confident teaching a strong class…then at times, feeling really small and raw during our YTT meeting times. Those extremes kept me humble, “in my place” even if it didn’t always feel good.

humble kanye YTT yoga teacher training
Caught between humility but also not “playing small”…

Finally, the last revelation and certainly most powerful, is becoming fully aware that my heart is so invested in teaching yoga.  That I don’t want to *just* teach classes, that I also want to teach yoga teachers.  Seeing this YTT unfold through a different lens, a lens that maybe was uncomfortable at times, taught me so much and it was so rewarding to watch these student teachers grow, even if my impact was ancillary, at best.

I didn’t sign up for a second YTT to learn Ashtanga again; I signed up to get deeper into my “why” – why I practice, why I feel so passionately about this style, why I want to teach student teachers.  I’m still working on articulating my “why” but I do know this….yoga feels like home.

you did YTT twice?? #ytt #yoga #lifepoweryoga Click To Tweet

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